My husband and I decided that it was best that I stay home after Ella was born. I had always wanted to be the kind of mommy that stays home with her perfect children, baking brownies, and making sure that my house was in tip top shape at all times.
Well, reality took her hand and slapped me in the face. After Ella was born, I had a 20 month old, a newborn, and it was nothing like I expected. We stayed home most of the time. Even getting both kids ready to go to the grocery store was exhausting. My house was a disaster zone at all times and my life was consumed with someone always needing something from me. Even taking a shower was so difficult. At times I wanted to run away. And because of these thoughts I felt the worst guilt.
I was very lost. I had no interest in the things that I once loved. When my best friend came to visit, she could tell that something was very wrong. I had told her about a new duvet that I had bought. Months later it was still in the package. The old me would have slapped that sucker on the second I got home. But this strange me could have cared less.
One day I got on the computer and came across a blog. It wasn't a furniture blog, but I was mesmerized by it. I wanted to crawl into my computer and live her life. She wrote about cooking, decorating, and gardening. It was picture perfect. From her blog, I found another, and another after that! Finally, I came across a furniture blog. I hightailed it to the Goodwill and purchased my first dresser for $30.00. I spent the next two days sanding and painting, and then sanding again. I felt something that I had not felt in a long time. Excitement! I was so excited that I was able to create something so fun! With every paint stroke, my stress went away. I had found something I had been searching for... ME!!!
Fast forward almost 3 years later, I love staying at home with my children. We have so much fun together! We do crafts, go places together, and yes, we do make those brownies that I dreamed of making! I even drag them to the thrift store to pick out furniture! They are my little helpers, and I thank God for them everyday! I am so blessed!!
I want to tell you that now I feel silly for these feelings, but I don't. I know that women go through this all the time. Being a mommy is the hardest job I will ever have. It is also the most rewarding. My children bring so much joy into my life. I cannot remember what life was like before them. I know not nearly as great!!!
I guess what I learned from all of this is that just because we become someone's Mommy or Daddy, we are still people. We still have needs and wants of our own. I am living proof that there is a happy middle somewhere. You just need to find it!
Here are some of my pieces that I painted before my blog! You may only see furniture, but I see the best kind of therapy!!!